Parenting Woes – Juice vs. Water November 29, 2007

I am tired of the discussions that I constantly overhear during drop off at my daughter’s preschool.  For this express reason I have started arriving later and later.  Yesterday I breezed in precisely at 2:30 – just as the children were being let out, but still managed to somehow overhear the insanity!

I have no idea why people become so emotionally attached to what they perceive as being the correct way to parent.  Bizarre topics that have been covered so far – TV (and the moral superiority of those who either don’t have TVs or who don’t allow their children to watch TV – I will save this pet peeve for another post); McDonald’s (and what an evil empire it is); Ferberizing (yet another pet peeve); playdates (why young children need to have a constantly booked schedule is beyond me).  However, it is the inane topic that was under discussion that really drives me crazy – the whole juice-is-evil-and-must-be-kept-under-lock-and-key-never-to-emerge argument.  Which like many of the others listed above should just be put to rest.

One parent who’s children are new to the full day program have apparently been “hounding” their mother to put juice boxes in their lunch cases.  The claim behind this request is that “everyone else has a juice box”.  I sort of just shrug this comment off as my child is one of “those” who has a juice box in her lunch everyday.  One other smug parent has to make the statement that “this obviously cannot be true as her son has water everyday in his lunch”.  I don’t know why this statement bothered me, but it just did.  The implication behind it is that I obviously have no clue what or how to feed children and that clearly by serving my daughter juice everyday I am leading her down the path of either obesity or severe tooth decay.

Let me just say this.  I am a vegan.  I am very conscious of what I put in my mouth and in the mouth’s of my children.  I give my daughter juice, but who the hell really cares.  I don’t condemn what other mother’s feed their children – at least not to their face.  The same mother who so proudly ensures that her son drinks only water at lunch also ensures that he has some sort of cold cut sandwich and a Kellogg’s Nutri-Grain bar everyday -so really where exactly does juice fit on this scale?

For the record I am aware of high fructose corn syrup and the other crap that goes into what passes for “food” and “juice” in the supermarket.  For this reason I do a ton of baking, and cooking, and juicing, and shop at health food stores.  The juice I let my children drink is all natural and the only sugar it has is the natural stuff already found in fruit.  Plus, at home I dilute the juice with water – so there!

Writing out of frustration, rather than any intent to illustrate my superiority as a parent.  Some things I do well, some things not so well.  That is life – and I don’t shove my practices in the face of others -so why don’t we all try to grow up and do the same – unless of course someone asks for advice or direction!

The First Mammogram November 28, 2007

Mammogram – sort of a scary word – but not quite as scary as the words – breast cancer.  In a perfectly constructed world the first scary word would automatically cancel out the last two scary words. 

I had my first mammogram today, at the tender age of 38. My mother was diagnosed with estrogen induced breast cancer three years ago.  She subsequently had a lumpectomy and radiation to remove the offender from her body – and so far all has been quiet.  My docotor suggested that I get a baseline mammogram, just to see what is going on. 

A mammogram is a rather subdued experience.  It’s not like going to see your doctor for a regular checkup, where you don’t have any particular illness on your mind – instead your doctor simply weighs, and measures, and pokes, and prods.  However, when you go for your mammogram there is only one thing staring you right in the eye – it is all about breast cancer. 

You sit braless in a waiting room, full of other women, and your mind starts to wander.  Does anyone here actually have breast cancer?  Have they already been diagnosed and are here for a second opinion?  How old are these women?  Why are they here?  You try not to make too much eye contact for fear of catching someone’s teary eye.  You wait for your name to be called.  You slowly get up to follow the tech down the corridor to the mammography room.  You take your robe off and stand there exposed – wondering what is about to happen – wondering what the film might show.  There are some twinges of pain while your breast is pressed between two cold steel plates.  You get dressed and leave – return to the waiting room while the tech develops the film. 

She calls you back in – she needs two more shots of your right breast – you immediately think “Oh my God – this is it.  She’s found something suspicious!”  Out of the corner of your eye you sneak a look at your films posted on the X-ray reader.  It doesn’t look like there is a lump, or a mass, or anything huddled close together on the film.  But what the heck do you know – you  are a writer, not a doctor.  So, today is Thursday.  You are suppose to wait for a call from your doctor.  At the latest you should hear from her by next Wednesday.  That is almost a week.  What should you do until then?

The Good Father November 28, 2007

What does it take to be a good father?  Well, quite simply that depends on the day the question is asked, and on who is asking the question.  My husband, the father of my children, travels a great deal.  It is not uncommon for him to not be home all week – or to roll into the house in the wee hours – only to head out onto another trip a couple of hours later.  At first our four year old would often wonder where Daddy was now, and maybe even shed a few tears that she misses him.  However, lately it has just come to be a thing that she has accepted – which I am not always sure is a good thing. 

I often resent this travel.  Not becasue I believe it to be something exciting that I am missing out on – believe me, I can think of better things to do than travel to Houston for a day trip.  I resent the travel for the disruption that it causes in our day to day interactions and growth as a family.  On most days it feels that I am the one left to raise the children on my own.  Thankfully they are an easy lot, and they are still young so there is not too many activities or emotions to work on managing at the moment.  But it would be nice to have a shoulder to lean on , and I don’t think it is asking too much to eat dinner together as a family a couple of times a week.

Don’t get me wrong, my husband is a wonderful provider.  He has his eye on the future and manages our money and resources appropriately.  And I do not dare to compare myself to a single mother who often has very few people on the horizon to give her a break.  And of course I tend to over-analyze these things.  I try to distance myself from the “women’s magazine hysteria” that is centered around all the things that you can potentially do wrong to screw up your kids.  I revert back to all the times in history when two parents were not around all the time and that in all honesty I do not really know anyone who had a “normal” upbringing – again brought to you by women’s magazines and the hallmark company – where the family sits around the table eating together and laughing and sharing the days joys and triumphs. 

Do I sound bitter? 

The V-word… November 28, 2007

I have yet to figure out why veganism is considered such a threat by the rest of society.  What is it about the word that seems to raise an opinion (usually unflattering) in everyone.  Suddenly everyone is an expert in health, or nutrition, or in some other obscure area that is some how affected by the fact that you have recently become a vegan.  The way I look at it is that at least I have the courage and desire to make positive changes in my life and hopefully on a larger scale on the environment and the world.

 As an aside – I find it interesting that in this entire global warming debate there has been little to no mention, at least in the mainstream press, of the impact that factory farming has on global warming – way more than our addiction to large cars and black oil!  I am pretty sure that Al Gore hasn’t made the switch to seitan and veggie burgers – heck, I don’t even think he has managed to switch to car pooling or bike commuting!  But, I digress….

Anyway, I figure that the best way to react to this craziness of being under the microscope for our eating habits – is to fight back, not with words, but with incredibly healthy and tasty food that will knock the socks off of any critic!  I have the perfect guinea pig at home for this experiment – my husband – who is a carnivore if there every was one.  So, I hope to share some of the top ideas I have for sneaking more veganism into the life of those around you – they don’t even have to know about it. 

I feel this is important for two reasons – as women we are naturally more concerned about our health and the health of our family (yes, this is a generalization – there are many men who are also concerned about health) – and also the majority of women continue to be the ones who cook the majority of family meals – so here is to putting a little bit of health into those slap dash meals!  I am a busy mother of two young children (ages 4 and 20 months).  I am also working on finishing my doctorate and in establishing a freelance writing career – so I don’t have too much time to rush around searching for obscure ingredients, or to spend hours in the kitchen prepping.  I love Christina Pirello, but her statement in Cooking the Whole Foods Way that it takes her an hour and a half to prepare dinner, and that this is the time good food should take to prepare – didn’t sit right with me.  Fine for the weekends when my husband is around to supervise the kids, but not on a daily basis, thank you very much.

I hope this site will be useful to those who are slowly exploring the world of veganism.  I will offer practical advice and tips that will resonate with those who are new to this way of eating – plus lots of fabulous recipes that can easily fit into your life….

 Best…

The Vegan in the Closet November 26, 2007

How did I become a radical vegan at age 38?  Okay, maybe not so radical – I have simply cut out all animal products from my diet – maybe not earth shattering – but doesn’t veganism usually have more to do with college kids rebelling against society, or the “man”, or something like that?  But here I am – after stumbling across some heavy duty reading – that has led me to this path.

The first book I read was The China Study, by Dr. Colin Campbell – who is a very well regarded guru in the vegan world – yet I must be completley out of touch because I had never heard of him, or the China study before.  It is really not all that surprising that his book is not more known as he completely eschews animal products and he has the data from years of research to prove it.  Of course I realize that you can always find numbers and statistics to back up whatever point of view you are trying to convey – but the fact that he does not have a line of diet food, and a best selling “China Study Diet Book” out lend a great deal to legitimacy – plus all his studies have been printed in peer reviewed journals. 

The second book I read was The Ethics of What We Eat – by Peter Singer, which completley changed my entire view point on food.  He follows three different families and the way they eat – the standard american diet, the organic family, and a vegan family.  I already knew all the stuff about factory farming  – and haven’t eaten meat for years – but somehow the egg thing passed me by, as well as the fish stuff – and I honestly find myself not being able to consume these in any form.

It has been 2 1/2 months now, and I made it through Thanksgiving.  So far, it has not been that difficult to get rid of these things from my life.  I have avoided red meat for years, I don’t like chicken, and have never been a big dairy eater.  Eggs and fish are relatively new to me, but I never consumed great amounts of these (my apartment is just too small to cook fish).  I think the most difficult thing for me is how the avoidance of these foods have changed my relationships with those around me.  I find myself wanting to be a quiet vegan – somewhat in the closet – at least for now.  I have strong opinions about the foods that people eat, but at the same time I don’t want to rock the boat too much.  I find that I am often the one under attack for my eating habits, and not the other way around, which is absurd because I really don’t care too much about what other people eat, but for some reason I feel like I am on the defensive when my food choices come under discussion. 

Luckily, my family is supportive and I guess in the end that is all that counts.  My husband is game to try anything and enjoys tofu and has no problem eating all veggie meals (although given the chance he is a huge carnivore!).  My kids are too young at the moment to really know anything different – at the moment they have the odd piece of dairy and my daughter loves shrimp – but I figure I will take that one day at a time.  My parents are also pretty laid back with things.  I tend to do a lot of cooking when I go for a visit, which I love.  I love to cook great vegan meals, that taste delicious and then surprise everyone when I tell them what is the recipe.  I think it also helps that there are numerous funky vegan chefs out there now.  I actually considered veganism about four years ago while I was pregnant with my daughter – but there really weren’t too many places to look.  The recipes looked heavy, and stuffy, and had about a million ingredients in them.  The chefs I have been drawn to (Sarah Kramer, Isa Chandra, Moskowitz), are much more about real life and real food, and I thank them for helping to make this transition easier.

Anyway, I feel good about this change on so many levels – ethically, morally, physically, mentally. 

Let the journey continue….